[Paranoia: Listen instead]
You are a double menace, a real deal. And contrary to what ‘some’ may think or say, life celebrates you, it lives through you.
No need for a professional diagnosis, not for what is so clear to witness. Your schizophrenia self activates, it self actualises.
You woke up confused today, or perhaps the other day. You’ve been running in these mood cycles for some time now. And you’re somewhat desperate for ‘reprieve‘.
The doctors, whom you trust with your last penny, are unable to give you a definitive answer.
Not only that, but each arrives at their own verdict that leaves you even more dumbfounded. Each adds their own rendition of what your situation is, and it’s tearing you apart!
You welcome different perspectives and people, right? Good for you!
But as you are well aware, I’m sure, this is leading you astray.
Tell me more about all those medications which they’ve prescribed to you?
I must warn you[though], about the migraines, which would thus further fuel your schizophrenia.
Yes, it does at times appear as though these doctors are out to get you, doesn’t it? – After all, you’re paranoid, so of course it will appear that way!
And what about them? Aren’t they a paycheck away from their own paranoia?
Wouldn’t they cry foul-play and Muthi, should they lose their jobs?
Yes, Muthi exists. Even amongst doctors(Most especially amongst them)!
You see, they themselves have paranoia, that is why they will smile with you, hoping to lure you in for another visitation. Their livelihood depends on it.
The degree of their sanity(some yet undetected form of schizophrenia) depends on maintaining their livelihood.
Yet here they are, diagnosing you! Njani(How)?
Your problem is very simple, at least to me it is! It is that you forgot about your lineage, the chain that links you.
Of course you’re schizophrenic, your predecessors went through some of the most varied experiences imaginable, from the pleasant to the harrowing.
And they’ve left the seed of that knowledge via DNA, via the sperm and the egg onto you.
You are reliving some of their experiences, and you call it ‘multiple personalities‘, or schizophrenia.
Not only that, but you are undergoing immense challenges yourself that further fuel paranoid-schizophrenia, also known as the double menace condition.
Face it, even your face and body resembles theirs, it’s a schizophrenia in of itself! You are a multiple person mess!
But, I guess there is medication for your situation. After all, your kitchen closets are filled with it.
The most unnatural aspect of what you’re doing is that you’re blocking the passage of life in hopes of a vague notion of normality.
Face it again, no one knows what normality is or should be. Hence people are inventing their own. Queer people are not the only ones querying! We all are! It is just that you and I are cowards at times, and cannot bear ridicule.
That is why we flush down our condition(s) with mind altering substances. It is to hide our own fears more than anything!
But you cannot block the flow of life, fortunately, hence such conditions as yours are incurable. You are wrong to try and fix what is not damaged.
What you need to refocus your attention on, is on redefining what these conditions truly imply.
Like I said, if you could inherit your great-grandfathers mega-nose, or your grandmothers elongated forehead, then surely the same could apply for nuances in character.
But, do not believe me, continue diagnosing the undiagnosable.
What you cannot do, under any natural circumstance, is to block the flow of life[As I have alluded earlier].
We often speak of gravity, electromagnetism and other wild natural phenomena with great admiration – Yet when the same conditions are applied to us, then we quickly grow weary of them!
What am I saying?
Paranoid people have an imaginative mind plus an enhanced capacity to invent a reality of their own. Within them is a great degree of creativity in forming these persons and objects. Yet, we, ‘the normal ones’ see that as an impediment.
I get it, we don’t understand what the heck is going on here, and to topple that, we are so individualistic. Is it any wonder why we react the way in which we do?
But here’s the truth, and this comes from someone who has a brother living with both Autism and ADHD(according to ‘professional’ prognosis), there’s nothing that you can do to fix the condition(s).
Really!
The more you try equates to the more you worsen the situation for the deprived and yourself. I use deprived very carefully here.
As hard as this may be, try and learn about the persons history and condition.
If you are a parent and your child is under such a condition, then half of the time the onus falls squarely upon you. You drank when you shouldn’t have, you inflicted trauma on the child at their most formative time, etc. These are conjectures, not arrest warrants.
And you’ve kept the secret largely to yourself, whilst jumping from one institution to the other in search for an answer!
As for me, I continue to learn from my brother; mostly about how to handle adversity! It is because it is uncomfortable at times to be with him that I get to learn effective methods of doing so!
And it is a remarkably rewarding experience for the both of us when this partnership works.
I treat him the same way in both public and private settings. I understand him; not always though, I admit!
But I make an effort. And the public reacts positively at times! Not that it matters much!
And I am sure some of them wish they had their own little double menaces to play with, and learn from.
We all need rascals sometimes, in the least to learn faith, hope and endurance!
Bad situations aren’t that bad after all, also considering the plasticity of our own brains, i.e. their capacity to mold to the reality at hand.
But these aren’t the conversations that we are ready to have.
We supposedly want to chase normality; a mechanical system where we think and smell the same. It is deranged logic when analysed closely.
Yes, no person has asked for such painful experiences, yet they have; somehow! Unless the laws of cause and effect are corruptible.
Life is incredibly vast and unnerving, yet just!
Maybe true justice comes from understanding the just in just(ice). Politicians are guilty of this as well! We all are, to varying degrees!
But should we fail in our understanding, then we must surmise that that failure is in itself the just!
Life plays itself in so many ways, and it is guaranteed and even destined to produce a few single, double or even multi-menaces in it’s course.
Some divorcees speak of personalities, or demons, as they call them, that their former spouses frequented.
‘If only he wasn’t so lousy when drunk‘, some would say.
You see, people will always have alternate, or shadow personalities! Perhaps we are all schizophrenics with finely instilled paranoia.
And rather than resenting them for it, ask and learn the virtue of knowledge to navigate them better! Else, go try find a cure at a pharmacy, I am sure you’re thinking about it!
It is in those tough uncertain times where the potential for deeply meaningful relationships rest. Because sometimes all that the higher forces of life ever listens to is our vulnerability. That is when we truly ask genuinely.
Why deprive yourself of of that for a ‘normal life‘?
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