Chuck Norris once threw a grenade that killed 50 people
Then it exploded.
Chuck Norris taught a CPR class and brought the dummy back to life.
Oh, hey, I just found out they named a street in California after Chuck Norris, but they changed it pretty fast because nobody who crossed Chuck Norris lived.
Chuck Norris invented the giraffe after uppercutting a horse.
There used to be a Chuck Norris branded toilet paper. They had to discontinue it, though, because it wouldn’t take shit from anyone.
Death had a near chuck Norris experience.
Superman has Chuck Norris pyjamas.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Superman once bet who would win in a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number; you pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
When Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor’s ass.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug; the bear’s not dead, just too afraid to move.
There is no evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris let live ~according to an interview, the man’s favourite joke about himself.
Chuck Norris actually died 3 years ago, but death just hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t feel pain. Pain feels Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death; he wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can clog a toilet with his piss.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books; he just stares them down until they give him the information.
When the boogeyman sleeps at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t pot plants, he stares at the plant, and it soils itself.
Chuck Norris knows where page 404 is.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo’s hiding.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.
Chuck Norris has a rug next to his bed made out of LEGOs.
When police stop Chuck Norris, he lets them go with a warning.
If you have $50 and chuck Norris has $50, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
There is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
When Chuck Norris eats ice cream, the ice cream gets a headache.
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